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hedge fish
3 min read
we were climbing to the top of the world. looking for sonar interference and monsters. and the gps navigation went mad, and we watched satellites twirling down from the sky... strange sounds and whistling.. and the strange man with us, the wind threw him off the peak and blood exploded all around us.. so we fled down the valley, and we found a decrepit old gnarly house. full of dogs it was. and we climbed the first floor and looked out onto a grey asphalt patio, stretching out to the horizon. but every time we went back downstairs we found ourselves back at the same spot on the first floor. and there were strange neighbours, and we followed them, looking for answers.. the weird man with foot long hair on his bum that hung out of his trousers, and he skulked about muttering and his door was slippery and black.. and the serene gay man next door on the corridor. covered in scars on his hands he was, with a dogbed in the corner full of moving mannequins of people shagging, and he was cross legged and banging up essential oils. and he told us of a plot to destroy the world, henched by some nutcase living on a windswept peninsula in scotland, at the top of a hotel otherwise inhabited by muscly aryan men. and we kept failing to save the world, going back in time a few days and having to start over.. and we flew in a helicopter across the land, and there were huge bombs rigged up everywhere, visible from space almost, and there were huge slippery fish that lived in the hedgerows along the roads, and i could see them slithering along as fast as birds through the twigs.. and they showed us the way, and we stormed the hotel, and the mad man was all laughing and talking to his tapestries like he had been the last two times, and i had to explain that i'd been there before and would be again and could he stop blowing up the world please.
woke up with an edge of frustration.
woke up with an edge of frustration.
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the hunting of the boom
3 min read
so we were lost in some massive gnarly place below the ground, all hope that it held an exciting mission fading as hatches closed behind us and we were trapped in the realm of Bad Things. i found a spiky machine full of embryos, and a scary bag lady who spoke riddles as people were getting dragged away and dissected. and i squeezed through a computer interface and searched the network for a way to the surface, and i was a blue wriggling worm at the edge of the firewall, but a hundred mechanical ether birds were watching every port and and we couldn't escape.
and then inside the webspace, i found the experimental data, and the true extent of Unpleasantness afoot in the tunnels, and i came out of the computer and we cut our arms with a sharpened diamond to make sure the bone wasn't already changing into the Stuff they were making.
and there were sonic booms every half hour, and we caught one in a bag as it came by and hung on to it as it thrashed and screeched, and it had gnarly teeth and no eyes and a tail covered in needles, and we tied it to a bag of white sand and released it, and it left a white trail through the maze.
and we followed the sandy tunnels, and the lights went out and there was loads of wind, and then a horrible noise, and then my phone rang and i woke up somewhere else..
and then inside the webspace, i found the experimental data, and the true extent of Unpleasantness afoot in the tunnels, and i came out of the computer and we cut our arms with a sharpened diamond to make sure the bone wasn't already changing into the Stuff they were making.
and there were sonic booms every half hour, and we caught one in a bag as it came by and hung on to it as it thrashed and screeched, and it had gnarly teeth and no eyes and a tail covered in needles, and we tied it to a bag of white sand and released it, and it left a white trail through the maze.
and we followed the sandy tunnels, and the lights went out and there was loads of wind, and then a horrible noise, and then my phone rang and i woke up somewhere else..
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toxic algae gods
3 min read
dreamed of a scorched land.. blue fires dancing on the sand and thick red algae oozing in all the waterways that burned the flesh off any living thing that touched it… i had a camel called Steve - but in all other respects it was a Bad Place to Be. and i was sneaking in the night, and found an ancient parchment in the crumbling walls of the city, addressed to me, and signed by me, and all written in riddles that made no sense. and the land got drier and apocalyptic orange suns swirled above and never set, and some sneaky bastard scorpion bit me on the arse as i pondered the riddles. and as i yowled in outrage, delirium came me and the secrets in the letters became decipherable.
to save the people i had to dimensionally shift them by 3 degrees, by convincing them to get on a train that was shortly to break the sound barrier while hurtling over a cliff - generating power that would fuel some sort of chain reaction in the cold fires whereby the algae could be awoken and spread out as mulch to fuel a rebirth of the desert.
somehow i convinced the people that my plan did not Suck so Entirely as it might seem.. and as we overtook our recent sound waves, we heard sounds from earlier, caught up with the screaming and wails and gnashing of teeth from distant past, and outside was just a blur as the blue fires grew into tornadoes of lightnings that hammered the land.. and the algae went dark and muttered as it crawled out of the rivers, and forests sprang up where it crawled, and I saw it was made of millions of tiny gods.
and i was alone in a crypt as the walls flickered with scenes of the history of the badlands.. saw the ancient peoples that fucked over each previous civilisation with new magic. venomous lizards, crocodiles, plagues of metal locusts, over and over.. until the land rebelled and brought it's own apocalypse of blue fire and algae and locked the secrets in riddles that only a scorpion could solve.
to save the people i had to dimensionally shift them by 3 degrees, by convincing them to get on a train that was shortly to break the sound barrier while hurtling over a cliff - generating power that would fuel some sort of chain reaction in the cold fires whereby the algae could be awoken and spread out as mulch to fuel a rebirth of the desert.
somehow i convinced the people that my plan did not Suck so Entirely as it might seem.. and as we overtook our recent sound waves, we heard sounds from earlier, caught up with the screaming and wails and gnashing of teeth from distant past, and outside was just a blur as the blue fires grew into tornadoes of lightnings that hammered the land.. and the algae went dark and muttered as it crawled out of the rivers, and forests sprang up where it crawled, and I saw it was made of millions of tiny gods.
and i was alone in a crypt as the walls flickered with scenes of the history of the badlands.. saw the ancient peoples that fucked over each previous civilisation with new magic. venomous lizards, crocodiles, plagues of metal locusts, over and over.. until the land rebelled and brought it's own apocalypse of blue fire and algae and locked the secrets in riddles that only a scorpion could solve.
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dreamed an ancient forest with an unpleasant vampiric breed of zombie birds living in it.
why we were trapped there in beige hiking clothes i'm not sure, nor do i remember the circumstances leading up to finding myself pinning down the chief zombie bird and holding him hostage while we escaped into a hole in a mountain range.
but a rockslide then penned us in, and safe from the devouring beaks of angry zombie birds, i discovered a mysterious grubby passageway at the back, leading into a darkened and smoky moroccan hovel of some kind.
through suspiciously blood caked windows i could see cobbled streets and Things obscured by massive Hats running about and upon a search of the cave/slum discovered more massive Hats, with which to sneak about unnoticed.
the events that followed involved in no particular order - zombie birds plummeting from the sky making airraid siren noises, a local tavern that sold only cups of brackish grey water and gizzards, - full of suspicious looking characters that wouldn't have looked out of place in slimelight, and a monsoon of Bleeding Appendages which i tried not to look at.
why we were trapped there in beige hiking clothes i'm not sure, nor do i remember the circumstances leading up to finding myself pinning down the chief zombie bird and holding him hostage while we escaped into a hole in a mountain range.
but a rockslide then penned us in, and safe from the devouring beaks of angry zombie birds, i discovered a mysterious grubby passageway at the back, leading into a darkened and smoky moroccan hovel of some kind.
through suspiciously blood caked windows i could see cobbled streets and Things obscured by massive Hats running about and upon a search of the cave/slum discovered more massive Hats, with which to sneak about unnoticed.
the events that followed involved in no particular order - zombie birds plummeting from the sky making airraid siren noises, a local tavern that sold only cups of brackish grey water and gizzards, - full of suspicious looking characters that wouldn't have looked out of place in slimelight, and a monsoon of Bleeding Appendages which i tried not to look at.
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the Jupitus Phil
2 min read
i had a massive space craft called Jupitus Phil. three storey high rooms, and shiny black pipes, and a massive church style organ that fired sparkly flares/missiles... but i was afraid and there was gnarl, things that crept about in the dark bits of space and looked in through the portholes.. . locked in at night i kept getting phone calls, and i'd answer and it was my voice at the other end.. and one day some sort of boy twin turned up. escaped from a bad place .. there was a war.. space pigeons kept smashing into the windows..an evil man with a fleet of red eyed metal cages that scooped up creatures like whales eating krill.. and the crazy eastern supermarket, stuck to the face of an asteroid, always facing a sunset.. and they sold magical things yes.
ach. there was loads more. if i hadn't been so lazy and stayed in bed, i'd remember the rest of it.
ach. there was loads more. if i hadn't been so lazy and stayed in bed, i'd remember the rest of it.
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Featured
hedge fish by nemitode, journal
hedge fish
we were climbing to the top of the world. looking for sonar interference and monsters. and the gps navigation went mad, and we watched satellites twirling down from the sky... strange sounds and whistling.. and the strange man with us, the wind threw him off the peak and blood exploded all around us.. so we fled down the valley, and we found a decrepit old gnarly house. full of dogs it was. and we climbed the first floor and looked out onto a grey asphalt patio, stretching out to the horizon. but every time we went back downstairs we found ourselves back at the same spot on the first floor. and there were strange neighbours, and we followed t
the hunting of the boom by nemitode, journal
the hunting of the boom
so we were lost in some massive gnarly place below the ground, all hope that it held an exciting mission fading as hatches closed behind us and we were trapped in the realm of Bad Things. i found a spiky machine full of embryos, and a scary bag lady who spoke riddles as people were getting dragged away and dissected. and i squeezed through a computer interface and searched the network for a way to the surface, and i was a blue wriggling worm at the edge of the firewall, but a hundred mechanical ether birds were watching every port and and we couldn't escape.
and then inside the webspace, i found the experimental data, and the true extent of
toxic algae gods by nemitode, journal
toxic algae gods
dreamed of a scorched land.. blue fires dancing on the sand and thick red algae oozing in all the waterways that burned the flesh off any living thing that touched it… i had a camel called Steve - but in all other respects it was a Bad Place to Be. and i was sneaking in the night, and found an ancient parchment in the crumbling walls of the city, addressed to me, and signed by me, and all written in riddles that made no sense. and the land got drier and apocalyptic orange suns swirled above and never set, and some sneaky bastard scorpion bit me on the arse as i pondered the riddles. and as i yowled in outrage, delirium came me and the s
Things that Scuttled beneath Massive Hats by nemitode, journal
Things that Scuttled beneath Massive Hats
dreamed an ancient forest with an unpleasant vampiric breed of zombie birds living in it.
why we were trapped there in beige hiking clothes i'm not sure, nor do i remember the circumstances leading up to finding myself pinning down the chief zombie bird and holding him hostage while we escaped into a hole in a mountain range.
but a rockslide then penned us in, and safe from the devouring beaks of angry zombie birds, i discovered a mysterious grubby passageway at the back, leading into a darkened and smoky moroccan hovel of some kind.
through suspiciously blood caked windows i could see cobbled streets and Things obscured by massive Hats ru
the Jupitus Phil by nemitode, journal
the Jupitus Phil
i had a massive space craft called Jupitus Phil. three storey high rooms, and shiny black pipes, and a massive church style organ that fired sparkly flares/missiles... but i was afraid and there was gnarl, things that crept about in the dark bits of space and looked in through the portholes.. . locked in at night i kept getting phone calls, and i'd answer and it was my voice at the other end.. and one day some sort of boy twin turned up. escaped from a bad place .. there was a war.. space pigeons kept smashing into the windows..an evil man with a fleet of red eyed metal cages that scooped up creatures like whales eating krill.. and the crazy